Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Alien Apocalypse (2005)

Oh yes! It is time for another bad movie review and we are going to the king, Bruce Campbell! The other night, I decided to avoid the dissertation, poured myself a horn of home-brewed chocolate mead, and put Alien Apocalypse (2005) into the dvd player. You gotta love bad movies as a work avoidance tool.

As you know, O' Gentle Reader of Bad Blogs, Bruce Campbell is the king of bad movies and Burn Notice. I love his work, on the whole, and I have even read both of his books. Heck, Nancy even likes his movies and will occasionally put up with me watching some of his bad TV shows (which will remain nameless). In short, he is simply "The Man" around these parts. Now, lets get to the review.

A group of four astronauts return to earth after a 40 year cryogenic space nap only to discover that something is amiss.

Oops! Wrong film! Here we go...

"Say... where did we park?"

Soon, our intrepid hero discovers that modern civilization is destroyed and the human race has forgotten much of what it knew about medicine, technology and hygiene. Oh, also that the world has been conquered by giant space termites. Yeah, definitely giant space termites...

"Whoa! Where's Terminix when you need them?"

..and they are hungry...FOR BRAINS!!

"Nom, nom, nom, nom..."

Now, its up to "The Doctor" to lead a rag-tag band of humans (who are armed with primitive weapons)...

"Heigh-HO! Heigh-ho, its off to war we go!"

...against a deadly race of super space bugs (who are hell-bent on world domination, deforestation, and general nastiness)...


...and he ain't havin' any!

"Pew! Pew, pew, pew!"

Yeah, this movie has issues. First, the animation of the giant space termites was horrible. HORRIBLE! In fact, they kept using the same screen shots over, and over, and over. Next, Bruce Campbell is a space-faring chiropractor? Really? Last, the action is really slow for a "B Movie" adventure flick. I mean, come on! I'm wishing I would have worked on the diss, here!

Still, it does have its charms. For instance, it IS a Bruce Campbell film. Even though this is far from his best work, he does swagger and quip his way through the film (which was probably shot over 2 days or so) just like we like him to. I wouldn't buy or rent it, if I were you, but it may be worth watching on a Saturday afternoon Sci-Fi movie marathon if you are avoiding work.

Rating: 2 Bites out of 5

-Safari Bob