Friday, May 28, 2010

Night of the Lepus (1972)

Oh yeah! It is time for yet another exciting bad movie review! The other night Nancy and I took a break from the joys and rigors of academia and watched Night of the Lepus; an older film about rampaging giant rabbits in the south west. When I first heard about this movie I immediately surfed over to Amazon and acquired a copy. I mean, what is not to love? FREAKIN' GIANT KILLER RABBITS!! Oh yeah, I knew this was going to be bad in that oh, so good way; life is good when the movies are bad!

Somewhere in the southwestern United States, a ranch is overrun by rabbits who are eating all the foliage and pitting the landscape with burrows that are a hazard to livestock. Unwilling to use poisons dangerous to the environment, a rancher asks two local research scientists for help.

"Y'all know anythin' 'bout rabbits?"

After collecting a few or the pesky rabbits for testing, the research scientists get to work on the problem.

"Let's pump 'em full of hormones. That'll teach 'em!"

Unfortunately, their daughter wants a furry friend who soon escapes and makes some new friends.

"I like you! I'm going to take you back to the ranch!"

After a few days, somebody notices something is amiss...

"Holy hoppin' hossenfefer!"

...and that terror has a new face!

"Where's yer Elmer Fudd now?"

Now, a ravenous pack of 150-pound hare-y monsters are on the rampage! Although the national guard uses guns, flames and dynamite to subtract them, these rampaging rabbits know how to multiply! How can the intrepid research scientists stop rabbits gone wild? Oooh.. scary...

Overall, I liked this movie. True, the special effects are bad but this movie was made in 1972. Yes, the daughter is creepy but this is the era of The Omen and children were often portrayed that way in the '70's. Still, I just love the idea of using normally harmless and endearing animals as monsters (I love Black Sheep for instance) and this movie does star DeForest Kelly (aka Bones on Star Trek). If you like schlocky monster movies (and we know you do), then this is worth picking up a copy for $5.

Rating: 3.5 Bites out of 5

-Safari Bob

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Megasnake (2007)

Awww yeah! Its time for another exciting installment of Bad Movie Safari! Last night Nancy and I sat down to enjoy some bad movies and cheap pizza in order to celebrate her 4.0 this semester! (Yay! Way to go, Lady!). So we delved into the DVD library and found Megasnake (2007); another bad movie we found in the $3 bin at the closing Hollywood Video store. When I saw this movie I thought, "Oh HELL yeah! Big bad evil snake on the rampage...Daniel from Stargate...what's not to like?" Nancy seems to really like evil snake movies (one of her favorites is Vipers) and this one delivered. Let's get to it.

Deep in the Tennessee woods, a group of pentecostal worshipers enjoy their right to free religious assembly...

"Praise the Lord and pass the rattler!"

Les Daniels (aka Michael Shanks) lives with a fear of snakes. As a child, his father was killed during a snake-handling church service. Yeah, I know. Still, I have seen worse back stories.

"I'm a wounded warrior!"

Les' brother, a snake-handling preacher, looks for something new to bring to service this Sunday.

"Eat yer heart out, First Baptist Church!"

In doing so, he accidentally unleashes a rare, extremely deadly mythical snake.

"I got yer Baptist right here, preacher boy!

Soon, the snake escapes into the small town and lunch is served!

"Mmm... I love lunchables!"

Now, Les must overcome his paralyzing fear to help protect his small town against a growing, deadly Megasnake! Ooohh... scary!

"THAT'S gonna leave a mark!"

Overall, this movie is pretty good! The special effects are really good for the forum, the story really isn't too bad, and there are a couple of genuinely funny moments. Unfortunately, there are a couple of drawbacks: (1) the acting is terrible (other than Michael Shanks) and (2) this movie is basically Gremlins in Tennessee--only not as good. The snake even comes with three rules that are ignored. Still, this movie is well worth owning for $3. If you get a chance to see it, do so.

Rating: 4 Bites out of 5

-Safari Bob

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Manticore (2005)

Aw yeah! It is time, once again, for another bad movie review! Last night Nancy and I decided to escape from the world for a while so I reached into the pile of unwatched movies and pulled out Manticore (2005). I found Manticore in a bin of $3 movies at a closing Hollywood Movies. It seems that all the Hollywood movie rental places are closing in Lubbock and the rumor is that the Blockbusters are soon to go as well. Hell, even Wal-Fart is cutting back on the movies they stock; I guess Netflicks is winning. Damn shame. I guess I'm old school enough to enjoy browsing the dust jackets in the hope that I can find something that I like but I had not expected. Oh well, c'est la guerre! Let's get to the review.

In war-torn Iraq, a group of American soldiers (lead by Robert Beltran, aka Voyager's Chakotay) struggle to do the right thing in a war zone. After catching some people stealing antiquities, they decide to let them go as a mob converges on their position. True to bad movie form, this will soon bite them in the ass.

"Yeah, Voyager sucked but I got paid!"

Released from the American soldiers, two artifact thieves flee to the desert with a special magic medallion for a mysterious malefactor who makes a little mojo...

"Them's lasers!"

Meanwhile, a meddlesome reporter sneaks to the north to a remote village in search of WMDs. She and the cameraman find something a little different...

"That ain't Marmaduke on yer six!"

Inevitably, that same band of American soldiers are sent to recover the reporter and her cameraman. When they get to the village, they find some clues that something might just be amiss..

"Get the Bactine!"


Evil Chickens gettin' it done!

Soon they realize that it might take a little more than just Evil Chickens to decimate a village..

"First you say it, then you do it!"

Now they must find a way to destroy an ancient evil and the maniacal warlord who unleashed it. Exciting, ain't it?

"Stop! Hammer time!"

Overall, this movie is pretty good! The acting is not bad, the special effects are good for the budget, and the fight scenes are fun. There is some gratuitous gore but these scenes do create some scary moments that made Nancy jump! If you can find it cheap its worth adding to the DVD library.

Rating: 3.5 Bites out of 5

-Safari Bob

For some reason, YouTube doesn't have a trailer for Manticore. In fact the only one I could find is on this Chase Masterson Official Fan Club Website. Enjoy!

Monday, May 3, 2010

Deep Shock (2003)

Oh yes! After a week off, due to an unscheduled illness, it is time for a new bad movie review! Woo hoo! The other night Nancy brought a new movie to the movie marathon: Deep Shock (2003). Now when I saw this I thought to myself, "Self! This movie is either going to rock or stink up the joint! Hmm.. mead.." I mean, what's not to love? Sea monsters running amok! Mead sitting right there in the fridge! Life is good! Overall, the mead was tasty and the movie.. well.. at least there were 'esplositions! Lets get to it.

Deep in the arctic ocean, a US submarine is on patrol. Suddenly, a mysterious sonar blip gets a little friendly.. too friendly..

What the Deuce?!?!?

Soon it becomes apparent that a mysterious trench has formed in the arctic ocean floor. The United Nations meet with a group of scientists in order to discuss the ramifications of this event. Needless to say, the science is divided on the issue..

"Its natural (like my hair color)! Lets study it!"


"Its EVIL (like me)! Lets nuke it!"

Unlike the real United Nations, they decide to cowboy-up and drop a few nukes. Fortunately, the scientific research station just happens to have a few on board (yeah, I know. Who keeps nukes on a scientific research lab? Just go with it.). This attracts the attention of the locals...

"Howdy neighbor! What ya'll doing over there?"

..and the locals ain't havin' any!


Now a submarine crew is sent to the underwater station to investigate and complete the mission. They soon discover that an ancient species of underwater predator has awakened and threatens to destroy humanity! Oooh! Scary!!

"Lets get it on! Ooh.."

Yeah this movie has issues. (1) Apparently, the sea monsters are eels--not the dragon in The Never Ending Story. (2) What is the deal with "nuke first, ask questions later" scientific attitude? And (3) the sea monsters can shoot electricity to either destroy a ship or communicate via some electronic IM service. Come on.. make up your mind!

Still, this movie does have some good moments and the bad guy does pay the price for his nefarious ways in a truly satisfactory manner. Also the special effects are pretty good, overall. However, it does violate one of my main pet peeves: the cover art has nothing to do with the movie. All in all, it is worth a $.49 rental if you are avoiding productivity.

Rating: 2.5 Bites out of 5

-Safari Bob