Thursday, September 9, 2010

Død Snø (2009)

So my friend Mr. Roper aka Mr. R from Hell, who shares our love for bad movies, tells me about this Swedish zombie film that debuted at Sundance named Død Snø (or Dead Snow). So when I found this flick at Best Buy, I was all over it!

Now I have only seen a couple of Swedish movies--my favorite so far is The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo--but so far I am quite impressed with the films they are making. Over all, I tend to shy away from all the big-budget Hollywood films out there--I have yet to see either Avatar or Inception for example--because I love the bad movies! I will certainly keep my eyes open for more Swedish films in the future. Now, lets get to it!

A group of medical students, during Easter holiday, decide to relax at a remote cabin in the woods with a few lady friends. As we all know, this is always a good idea in a bad movie!

"Good thing nothing bad happens in the woods!"

Later that night, they meet a mysterious creepy stranger that warns them of danger from dark times, long ago.

"Gimme some coffee because thar's evil afoot!"

Of course they don't listen because bad things don't happen in the deep, dark woods. Soon, however, they start to think that something may just be a little odd as they make a discovery under the floor boards!

"Say--are we the Goonies?"

A box of ill-gotten loot soon leads to a startling revelation!

"DAMN! I shoulda listened to the creepy coffee guy!"

Now, somebody is awakened and looking for something they lost a while ago...

"That ain't Avon calling!"

...and it is time to raid that convenient tool shed over yonder...

"Hey! A chainsaw! Yep, it's officially a zombie flick!" kick some evil Nazi Zombie butt!

Medical Student Preparing for Exams

This movie has a few problems but, over all, I really liked it. It does play to a few cliches (woods, college students, dark history, Nazi gold, chain saw, etc.) and there is a lot of gore. I mean A LOT OF GORE!! But this movie does deliver some surprisingly good acting for a schlocky film, and how can you really lose with Nazi zombies? If you love bad zombie movies, and I know you do, then it is worth owning. This is a movie that you will certainly enjoy watching again.

Rating: 4 Bites out of 5

-Safari Bob

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Mega Piranha (2010)

Ah yes! It is time for a new bad movie review! This summer, Nancy and I invited our friend Paul over for some bad movie goodness in the back yard. Nancy hung a couple of white sheets over the fence, we hooked up a projector to the laptop and viola! bad movies just like at the drive in (only we didn't have to sneak in the beer)! This was Paul's first experience in watching bad movies under the stars so we wanted to watch a particularly memorable cheese-flick so Mega Piranha came off the shelf. Nancy loves the "evil fish" genre and this one did not disappoint. Of course, it may have been the mead. Hmm.. lets just get to it!

"Here's a story..about a lovely lady.."

After an American diplomat and Venezuelean ambassador are mysteriously murdered on a South American river, the Secretary of State Bob Grady (Barry Williams) sends a Special Forces soldier named Jason Fitch (Paul Logan) to investigate.

"Where's your CSI now?"

Although the local government is blaming the deaths on terrorism, Fitch figures out that it's really genetically-mutated piranha that has been taking over the river and eating anything in their path.

"Dum, dum! Dum, dum, dum, dum!"

Joined by the scientist who mutated these fish, Sarah Monroe (Tiffany... yes, THAT Tiffany)...

"I 'Could've Been' a scientist!"

...Fitch attempts to stop the piranha attack in some of the most ridiculous ways possible...

"Take THAT! And THAT!"

...but the piranha ain't havin' any!


And, they have seen Megashark vs. Giant Octopus!


Now, they are on the loose and growing larger as they head towards Miami for some tasty lunchable blue-plate special action! Oooh... scary!

Takin' Their Talents to South Beach

Yeah, this movie is really bad. First of all, piranha are not salt water fish! Of course they do start in the Amazon river, but how do they transition to salt water? Second, this movie goes to the well-worn plot chest and actually nukes the school--to no effect! I guess if they can withstand a nuclear blast, they should be able to adapt to saltwater. Case solved. Last, why would fish attack targets (especially buildings) on land?

Of course this movie does have its moments. My favorite part is when Paul Logan's character falls down on the bank of a river and proceeds to kick several leaping piranha to death! Also, the scenes where the fish are attacking the hotels on South Beach are hysterical. Still, I would not waste money on buying this movie but it is worth watching on NetFlicks.

Rating: 2 Bites out of 5

-Safari Bob