Nancy and I sat down to watch Ice Spiders which she found in the $2 bin of that closing video store. Now, she has been licking her chops at the chance to watch a bad movie with me that has evil spiders in it. Why? I suffer from a mild case of arachnophobia (btw--another good, bad movie) which she finds amusing. Nancy, why do you hate the handicapped? Still, we watched it and I survived (mostly unscathed) with only mild nightmares. Fortunately, the spiders were so unrealistic that my nightmares centered on a wasted $2 and sooo many cheeseburgers and... well... this ain't Dr. Phil so we had better get to the review.
A young ski team training for the Olympics arrives at the remote and isolated Lost Mountain Ski Resort (yeah.. that's good writin' there, Lou!) to focus on training. Hey! It's all about the children, right?
They're thrilled, THRILLED I tell you, to discover that a retired Olympic skier (named Dash for God's sake) is there to help them train.
Alas! Their skiing plans hit the skids when a scientist, dressed in pink, from a nearby secret lab arrives to warn them of trouble (that starts with "T" and rhymes with "P"... etc.) to come.
Meanwhile, someone is looking over the menu...
Soon, everyone realizes that a top secret Government project has escaped and lunch is served!
Dash has to cowboy-up and he ain't havin' any!
Panic ensues as giant spiders run amok!
It's all up to Dash to lead the eight-legged menace away so everyone else can escape their webs of doom! Exciting, ain't it!
Yeah, this movie has issues. First, the acting is pretty bad; not Sharks in Venice bad, but still pretty bad. Second, the special effects are bad; not Sharks in Venice bad, but still pretty bad. And third, the dialogue is really blase and trite. Not... well you get the picture: Sharks in Venice is BAD and this movie is only slightly better. Still, it does have a couple scary moments and The Pink Doctor is almost believable. Its worth a $.49 rental if you are dodging your dissertation.
Rating: 2.5 Bites out of 5.