Saturday, April 10, 2010

Snakeman aka The Snake King (2005)

Ah yes! It is time for another trek through the bad movie section of your local video store! This installment is of a movie so nice, they named it twice: Snakeman aka The Snake King starring your buddy and mine, Stephen Baldwin. Oh yes, fresh off of our review of Sharks in Venice--and the role Stephen Baldwin was born to play--we are going to have a look at Anaconda.. er.. Snakeman! Yeah, Snakeman... definiately NOT Anaconda... yeah...

Incidentally, have you ever performed a Google search for "Snakeman"? Whew! You get some really strange pictures I can assure you. I mean, I expected to find pictures of Jake "The Snake" Roberts, but THIS guy?

It's Important to Floss!

Anyway, lets get to the review.

In a remote corner of the Amazon (um.. not the e-store but the jungle), a team of archaeologists discover a perfectly preserved corpse of an ancient warrior who lived to be over 300 years old. Gentech (aka Big Pharma wannabe), sends a team of its top scientists to discover the secret. Now, everyone knows that scientists are not well versed in jungle survival, so what do they do? They call in the big guns!

Hi. I'm a manly man; just ask me.

When a violent storm forces their helicopter to crash in the jungle, the exploration team runs into the local Welcome Wagon--and they ain't havin' any!

"This land is our land, this land ain't your land..."

Lost and on the run, our band of intrepid explorers soon discover a terror previously unknown to modern man...

That ain't Lady Gaga (um.. I think) on yer six!

Soon, the snakey-sultan-of-slaying gets to work and supper is served!

Hey! Personal space!

As the decimated band of scientists flee the pursuing carnage, they come face-to-face with the tribe that holds the secret to both serpentine death and eternal life! Exciting, ain't it!

Overall, this movie is not too bad. The special effects are ok and there are a few scary moments. Still, it does get a little preachy at the end (you know, evil modern man against the noble savage and all). It is worth the rental price just to see Stephen Baldwin get smacked around a bit.

Rating: 2 Bites out of 5

-Safari Bob

(The only trailer I could find is German; it's actually an improvement)

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