War Gods of the Deep (1965)

Ah yes! It is time for another bad movie review! The other day Nancy and I took a break from the ever present thesis and dissertation that continue to loom and watched War Gods of the Deep. Nancy is a big fan of Vincent Price, that Magnificent Master of the Macabre, and she has been wanting to watch it for some time. Truly he has starred in so many films that are apropos for this blog! Now let's get to it!

When a slimy, gilled monster from the deep slinks into an old British mansion with a dark past to kidnap a beautiful young woman (Susan Hart), her rather monolithic boyfriend (Tab Hunter) rises to the challenge. Enlisting the aid of a walking stereotype of the British aristocrat (David Tomlinson) and his trusty hen sidekick (Herbert), Hunter sets off in search of his lady faire.

Trained Attack Hen at Repose

Soon the encounter a strange mad man who lives in an ancient city under the sea near the old mansion...

"I put the 'cool' in creepy!

...who likes his women drugged, bound and laid out on a trite stone altar!

"Not a bad first date!"

Now, Hunter and Herbert must rescue Jill by navigating the arcane , ancient labyrinth...

"So... where's the bar?"

...and the cold, deep sea (in primo Steampunk fashion)...

"I TOLD you to go BEFORE we left!"

...before a convenient volcano unleashes its hellish justice on the decadent denizens of the deep!

"I'm the last British volcano.Fear my crumpets!"

Yeah, this movie shows its age. The characters are all stereotypes for Saturday afternoon matinee. Still, I really enjoyed it. Sure the special effects are cheesy and the plot is completely inane but I harbor a nostalgic love this early sci-fi. Also, Herbert is my hero. Rent a copy, roast some popcorn (with real butter) and sit back while you escape into a worthy afternoon sci-fi classic.

Rating: 3 Bites out of 5

-Safari Bob

Manticore (2005)

Aw yeah! It is time, once again, for another bad movie review! Last night Nancy and I decided to escape from the world for a while so I reached into the pile of unwatched movies and pulled out Manticore (2005). I found Manticore in a bin of $3 movies at a closing Hollywood Movies. It seems that all the Hollywood movie rental places are closing in Lubbock and the rumor is that the Blockbusters are soon to go as well. Hell, even Wal-Fart is cutting back on the movies they stock; I guess Netflicks is winning. Damn shame. I guess I'm old school enough to enjoy browsing the dust jackets in the hope that I can find something that I like but I had not expected. Oh well, c'est la guerre! Let's get to the review.

In war-torn Iraq, a group of American soldiers (lead by Robert Beltran, aka Voyager's Chakotay) struggle to do the right thing in a war zone. After catching some people stealing antiquities, they decide to let them go as a mob converges on their position. True to bad movie form, this will soon bite them in the ass.

"Yeah, Voyager sucked but I got paid!"

Released from the American soldiers, two artifact thieves flee to the desert with a special magic medallion for a mysterious malefactor who makes a little mojo...

"Them's lasers!"

Meanwhile, a meddlesome reporter sneaks to the north to a remote village in search of WMDs. She and the cameraman find something a little different...

"That ain't Marmaduke on yer six!"

Inevitably, that same band of American soldiers are sent to recover the reporter and her cameraman. When they get to the village, they find some clues that something might just be amiss..

"Get the Bactine!"

..and..

Evil Chickens gettin' it done!

Soon they realize that it might take a little more than just Evil Chickens to decimate a village..

"First you say it, then you do it!"

Now they must find a way to destroy an ancient evil and the maniacal warlord who unleashed it. Exciting, ain't it?

"Stop! Hammer time!"

Overall, this movie is pretty good! The acting is not bad, the special effects are good for the budget, and the fight scenes are fun. There is some gratuitous gore but these scenes do create some scary moments that made Nancy jump! If you can find it cheap its worth adding to the DVD library.

Rating: 3.5 Bites out of 5

-Safari Bob

For some reason, YouTube doesn't have a trailer for Manticore. In fact the only one I could find is on this Chase Masterson Official Fan Club Website. Enjoy!