Død Snø (2009)

So my friend Mr. Roper aka Mr. R from Hell, who shares our love for bad movies, tells me about this Swedish zombie film that debuted at Sundance named Død Snø (or Dead Snow). So when I found this flick at Best Buy, I was all over it!

Now I have only seen a couple of Swedish movies--my favorite so far is The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo--but so far I am quite impressed with the films they are making. Over all, I tend to shy away from all the big-budget Hollywood films out there--I have yet to see either Avatar or Inception for example--because I love the bad movies! I will certainly keep my eyes open for more Swedish films in the future. Now, lets get to it!

A group of medical students, during Easter holiday, decide to relax at a remote cabin in the woods with a few lady friends. As we all know, this is always a good idea in a bad movie!

"Good thing nothing bad happens in the woods!"

Later that night, they meet a mysterious creepy stranger that warns them of danger from dark times, long ago.

"Gimme some coffee because thar's evil afoot!"

Of course they don't listen because bad things don't happen in the deep, dark woods. Soon, however, they start to think that something may just be a little odd as they make a discovery under the floor boards!

"Say--are we the Goonies?"

A box of ill-gotten loot soon leads to a startling revelation!

"DAMN! I shoulda listened to the creepy coffee guy!"

Now, somebody is awakened and looking for something they lost a while ago...

"That ain't Avon calling!"

...and it is time to raid that convenient tool shed over yonder...

"Hey! A chainsaw! Yep, it's officially a zombie flick!"

...to kick some evil Nazi Zombie butt!

Medical Student Preparing for Exams

This movie has a few problems but, over all, I really liked it. It does play to a few cliches (woods, college students, dark history, Nazi gold, chain saw, etc.) and there is a lot of gore. I mean A LOT OF GORE!! But this movie does deliver some surprisingly good acting for a schlocky film, and how can you really lose with Nazi zombies? If you love bad zombie movies, and I know you do, then it is worth owning. This is a movie that you will certainly enjoy watching again.

Rating: 4 Bites out of 5

-Safari Bob

Black Sheep

Do you like zombies? Do you like sheep? Are you Scottish? If you do, then this is the movie for you! When I heard about Black Sheep I just knew that it was going to be oh, so bad (but in that good way we all know and love). I mean, Wow! evil zombie sheep! How can you resist?

Deep in rural New Zealand, sheep-aphobic Harry is forced to return to the family farm years after witnessing the gruesome sheep-related accidental death of his father. After a $300 cab ride, he just needs to sign some papers to sell his rights to the farm to his brother (who is secretly genetically manipulating sheep in a hidden lab). Time is of the essence as Dolly, the new genetically superior sheep, is to be revealed to a group of potential investors at a gala on the farm! (Exciting, isn't it!)

Soon, it all goes wrong as the other sheep on the farm start acting strange; they seem to have developed a taste for blood! That's right! Where's your God now?!?!?



This is a great, bad movie that has it all! The special effects are gore-tastic (courtesy of Peter Jackson's WETA workshop) and the movie is riddled with dark humor that will make you groan while you squirm in your seat. What other movie can make you jump when the camera pans to the hallway to see this:



HEeeeeeerrrrrrrrreeee'sss DOLLY!

Other than good special effects and dark humor, this movie does offer some great moments. For instance, I love the scene when all the investors are enjoying the party until a herd of bloodthirsty sheep pour over the hill to raid and pillage! My favorite part, however, is the battle between a hippie vegan environmental activist and the reanimated sheep fetus he was trying to liberate!



Ah yes! Good times! If you love bad movies (and you know you do) then Black Sheep is well worth the rental price. Now, if it had Nazis, it might be perfect.

Rating: 4 Bites out of 5

-Safari Bob

Vampires vs. Zombies

Tonight I watched a bad movie. Now, I love bad movies--God knows how many I own--but tonight I saw a movie so bad that I had to start a blog in order to warn the world to STAY AWAY! If one person can be spared this dreadful pile O' shyte, well... then I will call this blog a success.

When I saw the disk cover for Vampires vs. Zombies I was a little excited. Think of it! Vampires biting on zombies... zombies eating vampires... big guns... scantily-clad young coeds... a chainsaw or two if I was really lucky... but alas! No luck! Well, there were some scantily-clad young coeds but it is simply not enough to save this abysmal movie. Let me explain.

First of all, there were no chainsaws. Now, I enjoy many bad movies without chainsaws but, although this production wanted one, it instead ended up with a hedge trimmer. A HEDGE TRIMMER!?!?!?



One can only assume that the high cost of a K-Mart chainsaw (with oil and fuel) would only push the cost of the film over its $300 budget. Still, I might believe it except for the scene where this hedge trimmer was wielded against 10 zombies at once and limbs were flying about.

Second, the fight scenes were terrible. Now, I am not talking bad like when in Buffy the Vampire Slayer the vampires would just wait their turn until she was ready to stake 'em, oh no! I'm talking bad punches, obviously weak kicks, and lame sliding across the hood of the car to attack a Kenny Rodgers look-a-like called "the General."



Yeah, not even remotely believable. I mean, come on! I like Kenny Rogers as much as the next guy but why not at least pony up for a Gallagher impersonator; heck, he could even bring his own mallet!

Last, the plot was murky (at best). The viewers are presented with two dueling images that may mean either (1) the lead chick is in the middle of a Deliverance-inspired undead hoe-down or (2) she is in a mental ward (a la Gothika) and hallucinating it all. In the end, who really cares?

Rating: 0 Bites out of 5

-Safari Bob