Carny (2009)

So there I was, minding my own business, when Nancy comes in and produces a new bad movie: Carney (2009)! Now, she had noticed this movie when watching the previews to another one of the Maneater Series and she wanted to see it. Frankly, the previews do make it look entertaining and I was on board for yet another bad movie marathon but, as the bard says, "When sorrows come, they come not single spies, but in battalions" (Hamlet Act IV, Scene V). Still, I do enjoy bad movie night with Nancy even if the movie is a little...tragic. Lets get to it!

A creepy carnival boss finds a new attraction and pays for it with blood! Soon afterward, he brings his eerie carnival to a small New Mexican town.

"Yond Cassius has a lean and hungry look; He thinks too much: such men are dangerous" (Julius Caesar Act I, Scene II).

The bored local sheriff (Lou Diamond Phillips) rides out the carnival to check the permits.

"Wisely and slow; they stumble that run fast". (Romeo and Juliet Act II, Scene III).

All the permits seem to be in order and the motley crew of carnies that accompany the show sure don't disappoint!

"Fair is foul, and foul is fair"(Macbeth Act I, Scene I).

As our intrepid hero walks the grounds, the fair and enchanting medium catches more than just the sheriff's eye. Ah! Young.. er.. middle-aged love!

"Who wooed in haste, and means to wed at leisure" (The Taming of the Shrew Act III, Scene II; I know, its not a tragedy but I like this play).

Soon the ferocious star attraction--the mythical Jersey Devil--breaks loose and sets off on a murderous, blood-soaked rampage!

"Cry 'Havoc,' and let slip the dogs of war!" (Julius Caesar Act III, Scene I).

As the body count rises, the sheriff forms a team to hunt down the insatiable killer. Even so, the evil head carny will do anything to capture the beast and save it from destruction in order to sell it on the black market.

"Et tu, Brute!" (Julius Caesar Act III, Scene I).

Even as the trap is set, the evil head carny learns (a little too late) that the Jersey Devil ain't havin' any!

"The robbed that smiles steals something from the thief" (Othello Act I, Scene III).

Now the community's only hope is gather the remaining carnies for one last show(down) to destroy the devil and send him back to hell! Oooh! Scary!!

"O! she doth teach the torches to burn bright" (Romeo and Juliet Act I, Scene V).

Yeah, this movie has some issues: (1) the CGI is bad, really bad. (2) Why exactly is there a love story? They seem to try but, like in Romeo and Juliet, they never seem to catch a break. Oh, and it seems so contrived--as if they need to fill an extra five minutes in the script. And (3) would someone just slap the preacher? Come on!

Still, the acting isn't too bad and there are a couple of scary moments in spite of the script. Over all, it is probably better than the contrived play in Hamlet (I hate that play; I mean, just stab him, will you? Stop trying to be all cute and coy! But I digress..). Its worth a $.49 rental on a Sunday afternoon--especially if you should be working.

Rating: 2.5 Bites out of 5

-Safari Bob